Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
