Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
