So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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