I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The air taste purple.
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