brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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