I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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