Heybabeimwearingurpanties
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
