he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
