Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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