Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
