Jerry, you need to find god
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
