You're my little dorito
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
