Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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