just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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