I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
