I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
