I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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