matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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