But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
