Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
