We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
