We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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