the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
