There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
