Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
