3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
