Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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