i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
