My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
