I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
