you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
