no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
