Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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