hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Panties = found
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
