Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
