I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is it because I queefed?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
