seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pants are for mortals
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
