Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
