sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
