flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
