They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
