in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
