OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
