I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
