I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
