He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
