just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
