She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
