Don't you send me to vm
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
