don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
