shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
