Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
