The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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