I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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