if only i could text you this smell
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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