he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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